there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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