It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
