If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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