I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
