I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
