my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
