Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
