i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
