I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I CAN MOONWALK!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
