so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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