He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
