she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
