dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
