i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
