i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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