Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
