Welp...herpes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
