My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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