my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's like heaven, but drunker
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
