So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
