Whod you bang
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
false alarm. still invincible.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
