I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
