look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
