I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to sanitize my soul.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
