Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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