New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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