Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
