You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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