New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize