Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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