It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
