We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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