***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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