Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
