You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
