why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
