carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
