I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
where does the pee come out of this thing
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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