I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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