Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
