Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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