you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's like iHOP with fire
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
