Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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