so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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