Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
