I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
