Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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