I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
