We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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