If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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