There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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