He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
