is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
