Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
