If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
