He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize