I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
