my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize