it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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