the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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