My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize