Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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