just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
