Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize