i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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