Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
