You made me cry and you don't even care
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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