an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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