im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
