Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
