absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
