just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
