I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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