I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
