just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
