I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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