I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
