i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
