giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
