remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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