and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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