Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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